did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
