i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it was like eating out sand paper
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
