Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
