If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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