i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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