literally had 100 drinks last night.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
bring money and cleavage
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Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
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We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize