and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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