Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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