She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it because I queefed?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
