Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
