I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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