And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there was a trapeze. enough said
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
