I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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