I threw up into my coffee this morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize