He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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