it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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