Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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