i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
