I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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