The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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