McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
