Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
