I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
