Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
