You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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