Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't turn off my feet"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
