I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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