For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
