I could have mohawked her pubes.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
