It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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