we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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