don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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