I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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