I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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