apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
In America we eat man semen.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize