mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
