Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
