i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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