If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
