today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
