I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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