Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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