Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize