Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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