just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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