You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
