I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
