Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
