Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
