i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
