I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
