I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
