Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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