lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
