guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
