Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
