I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
