Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
