I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
