Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
