You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
