we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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