you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
do nipples grow back?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
