We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
