hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
