he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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