meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
