Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
