it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
