btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
