I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
