Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You've changed since you got that strap on
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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