i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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