Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
