while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
