ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
