am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
