Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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