Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
